Iain: Hello {{ subscriber.first_name | capitalize() or "friend" }}, Heide and I haven’t seen each other in a while.
Heide: Well, we have been busy.
Iain: Ye-es. And also I live in Birmingham and we’ve got COVID19 restrictions which mean I’m not allowed to come and see you. What have you been up to recently?
Heide: Recently? Had a small electrical fire, helped out some injured cyclists, stole a bin and painted over some racist stickers that have been put up. A quiet week. You?
Iain: Wait. A fire?
Heide: Yes, it was on the outside of the house. Do you know what happens if you call up the electricity distributors’ emergency number?
Iain: No, what?
Heide: You get a call centre person who asks pointed questions like “Is it still on fire now?” (presumably so they can suggest you call the fire brigade). About an hour later a person comes round to the house, squints up at the scorch marks on the wall and goes “oh yeah, that don’t look right”. I think this is a triage step to weed out time wasters.
After another hour, actual engineers get called out to take care of the problem.
Iain: Wow, I’ve not had a week as exciting as that. I spent my week thinking about genies.
Heide: Have you been rubbing things and wishing hard?
Iain: Not like that. I’ve been thinking about our new book, The Woman in the Million Dollar Dress, in which our heroine, Holly, gets her hands on a hi-tech dress that can transform her appearance and give her any outfit or body shape she
likes.
