Heide and Iain's newsletter - Charity books, space chimps and DIY haircuts

Published: Mon, 06/08/20

Heide and Iain’s Newsletter

Comedy fiction and general silliness

Iain: Hi , we’ve been discussing how to work together while we’re still social distancing during this pandemic.

Heide: Do we tell them that we’ve actually met up?

Iain: I think we’re allowed to.

Heide: We did our best to obey the somewhat unclear rules we’re meant to follow. We sat in my front garden at separate tables, two metres apart.

Iain: It was lucky we had some sunny weather during that week or else it might have been a bit of a wet experience.

Heide: But it’s odd how, although we can speak on the phone or video chat to each other, there is no replacement for a normal face-to-face meeting. There’s something in the human brain that wants to communicate with someone who is physically present.

Iain: Absolutely. We discussed a lot of things. Plans for future novels, chapter ideas for Oddjobs 5, details of a workshop we’re running on Sunday and, of course, the final book in our short Clovenhoof: Isolation Chronicles series.

Heide: I’ve really enjoyed writing those.

Iain: It’s been fun and, since it’s all been for charity —

Heide: £2000 raised for the Trussell Trust food bank so far!

Iain: Whoo! It’s been nice to use our writing powers for good rather than for —

Heide: Stupidity?

Iain: Exactly.

Heide: And speaking of stupidity and working together physically, I’ve had a great idea.

Iain: Yeah?

Heide: When we met the other day, we could chat but we couldn’t do that thing where we scribble story ideas down on a big bit of paper and join them up with arrows and plot things out like a great big stupid web.

Iain: My favourite way of planning.

Heide: We could do that while socially distancing by taping some felt-tips to the end of broom handles and writing from afar.

Iain: Really?

Heide: I think it would be really good.

Iain: There’s that GK Chesterton quote “Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.”

Heide: Trust you to take my stupid idea and respond with a literary quote.

Iain: Just maintaining the illusion that I’m the ‘clever’ one. Um, I think we should try it but I suspect we won’t be able to read what we’ve written afterwards.

Heide: Oh, ye of little faith.

Iain: I think it’s about finding the right tool for the job. And a six foot broom would not be ideal for writing. I must now show you a video of a chimp failing to follow instructions to repair a satellite.

Heide: Because…?

[Note: there is some strong language in this video]

Space Force - Episode 2 - Monkey Scene (CLIP)

Heide: I'm the monkey and you're the space general, right?

Iain: That’s from the new Netflix comedy series, Space Force. It’s not actually had the greatest of reviews (only 40% on Rotten Tomatoes) but I’ve found it funny. It stars Steve Carrell as the leader of the newly form US Space Force with John Malkovich as the scientist boffin who has to put up with all the madness going on. Apart from the general silliness, which I’m always in favour of, I enjoy the references to the behaviour of the unnamed US President (but we know who that is!). I particularly liked the scenes from episode 4 where the first lady decides to redesign the Space Force uniforms and creates something that’s half-catwalk fashion, half-fascist uniform. And, yes, sending a space chimp to repair a damaged satellite is the kind of stupids I’d expect from you.

Heide: Thanks.

Iain: What have you been doing to entertain yourself recently?

Heide: Oh, the usual. Rescuing things out of skips. Also I borrowed a set of clippers and started my “on the job training” as the resident hairdresser in our house.

Iain: How did that go?

Heide: Not too bad, I practised on my husband, Simon, as he likes a really short cut, which is just as well. Then I moved onto my son, Angus, who wanted a thing called a “skin fade”, which I interpreted as “monkish pudding bowl with tapered edges”. It’s not easy. Hairdressers have to work in three dimensions AND get a neat finish AND not carve chunks out of people’s scalps and ears. Well, I guess one out of three’s not too bad.

Iain: So what did you rescue out of a skip?

Heide: This time? A fairly ugly glass fruit bowl. Here’s a picture.

Iain: When I said entertainment, I actually meant have you watched or read anything good?

Heide: I’ve been watching Ozark, which is good. It’s not a comedy (even though it’s got Jason Bateman in it) but it’s lively and scenic.

Iain: That’s the one where the main character is forced to moved to Missouri to launder money for the mob.

Heide: That’s right. It’s a sort of Breaking Bad but with lakes instead of deserts.

Iain: The Jason Bateman character and his wife seem to spend all their time trying to undo each other’s plans because they both think they know what’s best. If they spent more time working together instead of working against each other, they wouldn’t have half the amount of trouble they seem to get into.

Heide: Speaking of working together, I’ve got these broom handles and these felt tips. You going to help me tape them together?

ALL THE LINKS:

Heide and Iain’s website: www.pigeonparkpress.com

The Comedy Kitchen: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2098850213744767/

Clovenhoof Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Clovenhoof-Books-285544508177333/

Oddjobs Discussion page: https://www.facebook.com/OddjobsBooks/

Our books on Amazon (UK): https://www.amazon.co.uk/kindle-dbs/entity/author/B008GK6RX0

Our books on Amazon (US): https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/entity/author/B008GK6RX0

E-mail us at: info@pigeonparkpress.com