Heide: This cat was mine for a while but now it resides with a crapestry fan.

Heide: I regret not buying this. It was enormous. What I particularly love about this Lowry copy is that someone looked at the original & decided to copy it but omit all the people. i.e. they decided that Lowry worked better WITHOUT the matchstick men... (https://lowrygallery.blogspot.com/2013/07/1952-industrial-landscape-ashton-under.html)

Iain: We’re not mocking people’s attempts at art, are we?

Heide: Hell, no. I think part of the attraction of crapestry is that sometimes people’s dreams of what they want to achieve is greater than their actual ability. Crapestry is celebration of people who give it a go anyway. It’s like when people dance unselfconsciously and badly –

Iain: Except in needlework form.

Heide: Exactly. Did I also tell you that this Christmas, I am being Mrs Claus.

Iain: Pardon?

Heide: I occupy a 15 minute slot in a Christmas experience at a local grotto. Groups come into my amazing kitchen and we make reindeer food, and sing Christmas songs. Sometimes we attempt songs that we don’t know all the words to, but my “dum dee dum” skills get me through! And when I’m not being Mrs Claus, I fill in as a Christmas elf.

Iain: We wrote a book once about Christmas Elves.

Heide: We did. Elves at a Christmas market in a snowy town. Candy Canes and Buckets of Blood.

Iain: That was based on a nightmare I had.

Heide: Christmas gives you nightmares?

Iain: Not specifically. And I think we turned it all into a very silly and fun book about elves and zombie reindeer and an enormous Father Christmas. All with a sort of a peculiar Die Hard kind of vibe to it.

Heide: It does. Die Hard. One of my favourite Christmas movies. You know, I’m feeling all festive now. I wonder what our subscribers are doing for Christmas?